Outsider. That is perhaps the only book on my mind right now.There are moments when one is absorbed, overtaken and yet at bay with life . What does one mean by all these ups and downs, constant struggles and never ending bullshit. At moments one cant help succubing to the absurd. Right now is such a moment for me. It took a pack of smokes and some liqour but I am there all right.
Sitting in a room, empty but surrounded by my thoughts. What am i thinking ? To be true i dont know myself. Am i intelligent, do i have a brain or is my whole life a desperate marketing stunt, with a hope that at the end of the tunnel there is some light that would somehow render all this real. I dont think i have been influenced ever by anymore than Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Leaving the drugs aside; beatdom was more much more than just people getting high on LSD, it represnted the never ending human struggle, a struggle to find a place in this bizzarre universe. I no i am not making sense, not incoherent but not far from it too. One should make too much sense, one must fail in courses. A man who has never seen lows and always happy is the unhappiest man on this earth. I have such a friend.
Dylan is a genius. So was Albert Einstein. I am not.
Thats it.there is truth. Whole life we go on emulating people “influeced” by them all the while pretending that u are like them too. dont think so. it aint right.
The Answer is Blowin in the Wind.
If Camus were to wake up right now and tell me that Sisphyus pulling stones up an incline holds some meaning for him then i would slap him in the face. The bastard who is he kidding. As i said beatdom aint really a bad thing.
What do u think this blog is ? A pathetic effort by a couple of wannabees , out to con a world full of idiots into delude them into thinking of themselves as some break through geniuses. Sanskar calls me a hypocrite. Perhaps I am . Perhaps this post too has some degree of hypocricity in it. (is that how you spell it ? wtvr doesnt matter much). One must sometimes come across the truth , the hard truth no less just to break away from the maze. Stephen Deadulus comes too mind. Often I have criticized him as a hypocrite. I dont anymore. I relate to him now. I understand him completely, his efforts to break way this mould, to create for himself an identity. I know him. I am him.
Forget genius. There is more to life than that. There is something called courage. Albert Einstein was a genius, so was Newton. They were also the most courageous people on the planet. Stephen Hawking is a mdeical miracle. No he aint. He is a human miracle, defying death everyday. Something must be worth living, something must have some purpose. Purpose is a funny thing. Dostoevsky wanted to die, Gogol almost destroyed Dead Souls. There is a reason Russians make the best writers in the world, they write with their soul. Reading The Brothers Karamazov is like looking into a soul, no , a naked soul. Hmm. thats it. yes . finally i do have answered whats so great about Russian Books.
All my life has just been a journey of emulation, a stand to achieve success in the face of the world. Moving from one form of studapa to another, its all nonsense. irrelevant. The one thing i hate about iit is that it makes a person forget himself, his natural inclinations and align his volitions and streamline them with the acceptance by the stud janta of iit. Almost everyone in iit thinks that the other bunch of people are chutiye. well wtvr. once again I am blaiming iit for what are not its faults. It is the easier way out.
Ignorance is bliss. I thought people undertook intoxication to forget the toubles and vicissitudes of this world. Its the other way round for me. My mind is clear now. I see my nothing more than a bunch of insencere disconnected episodes. Insencere . yes thats whats my life has been. I know that most of you have long stopped reading my incoherent mutterings. but for once i am not writing to be read. For once I am writing bcoz i want to. Its funny. in my intro to this blog i said that i this blog is an attempt to reach out to more similarly minded people. hahahahah. its too funny. choking with laughter.
Cant get the image of Johhny Depp typing away truths at his typewriter. its haunting and alluring at the same time. Sanskar is right. This movie has stirred something deep in my soul.
perhaps some people respect me a lot. The problem is i dont. Physics gaya maan chudaane.